The Joys of Annoyance
by Venture Wood
Summary: A list of obnoxious, completely random, very rude things that just might send the Phantom of the Opera into an Insane Asylum. Do not read if you are incapable of laughing.
1. Chapter 1

_I... Wanted to write this for fun! One day, I was pondering all of the really obnoxious things I could do to annoy the heck outta Erik. Aaaand... Yeah. I came up with a couple of these. Also, I'd like to thank Julie Lovett for the idea. THANKS!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera or SOME of these numbers. Some meaning, like, two. Or so. _

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><p>You really want to annoy Erik? Really, really? Like, you will KILL to do so? Then read the list, pick out a few, and KNOCK YOURSELF OUT! Literally, you horrible people. Why... Would you ever do <em>anything<em> like these (gestures below) to him?

Alright, so I was messing around! Pick out a few and have fun!

Reminder: This list does not only just work on Erik. Think: "Hey, friend! Can I come over to your house, today?"

Disclaimer2: This authoress is not responsible for any injuries you may or may not receive from Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, whilst fulfilling this list. Also, this authoress is not responsible for any attempts of Punjabbing he may or may not try to bestow upon you. You have been warned. Now, you cannot sue me.

1. Refuse to call him anything other than "Ricky".

2. Tell him Christine left him for someone she hardly knows.

3. Tell him he's ugly.

4. Ask him if you can use a blender/chainsaw to "even out the rest of his face."

5. Ask him how old he is.

6. Tell him he's horrible at singing.

7. Ask him if he can detect a Scotsman in the room.

8. Ask him if he can hear a strange, Scottish accent emanating from his insides.

9. Ask him if he's been to Scotland, recently.

10. Directing your words to his stomach, tell him "I'M GONNA GET YOU OUT, DON'T WORRY!" Then, pull out a chainsaw.

11. Ask him about his childhood.

12. Ask him questions about gypsies (i.e. What do they eat? Are they cannibals? What do they believe in? Do they like to beat up little boys?)

13. Ask him if he's ever peed his pants before.

14. Ask him where he goes to the bathroom.

15. Ask him where he gets his food.

16. Repeatedly ask him where he gets his food.

17. Even if he has told you where he gets his food, say, "OH! So that's where all the stagehands go!" Then repeat number 10.

18. Tell him he's a freak.

19. Tell him he's unworthy of his mask.

20. Tell him he's against your religion.

21. When he leaves, immediately begin to shove stuff off of bookshelves, knock stuff over, etc. When he gets back and asks, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?", tell him a Tornado hit (if you don't find this funny or don't get it, try to remember where he lives).

22. Ask him where he gets his candles for each candle he owns. (i.e. Point to a candle, ask him where he gets it. Wait for an answer. Point to another candle. Ask him where he gets it. Etc.)

23. Ask him where he gets his candles.

24. Ask him where he gets his candles.

25. Ask him where he gets his candles.

26. Do you get the point, now, or do I really have to say it again?

27. Ask him what his favorite color is.

28. Suggest that he go and make a pot of tea (make sure it's right at his breaking point; when he looks like he's going to burst at any minute)

29. Ask him obnoxious questions throughout the whole tea-making process. (review numbers 1-28)

30. When he clamps his hand over your mouth and offers the tea, remove his hand and say, "Oh, I don't drink tea."

31. Right when he's about to pour the tea into his own cup, "trip".

32. Repeat 31 as many times as you can get away with.

33. Finally, when he gives up and "loses his appetite for tea", offer him a chair (yes, in his own house). Threaten to haunt him for the rest of his life if he doesn't take it.

34. When he takes the chair, tell him you're going to do it anyway.

35. Place the tea cup as far away from him as possible. (just wait and see what for)

36. Attempt to pour the tea into the cup, but "miss" and "accidentally" pour the tea into his lap.

37. When he swears, scold him, grab a bar of soap, and immediately begin to wash his mouth out.

38. Act like his mom (i.e. Did you wash behind your ears? You are not going anywhere until I can see my reflection in your dinner-plate! It's time for bed-time, dear; it's 7 o'clock, etc.)

39. Tell him you want to visit the upper-world for a moment.

40. Go by yourself.

41. Actually visit the upper-world.

42. Come back after an hour or so, leave the Gondola on the shore, swim back, and tell him you "lost his boat".

43. Take a swim in his lake. (Don't ask for permission)

44. Feign drowning.

45. After he saves you, hopefully, tell him there were sharks.

46. If he doesn't save you, disappear under the water for a really long time.

47. Do number 46, anyway.

48. Tell him he resembles Justin Bieber.

49. Tell him he resembles Santa.

50. Kick him in the shin.

51. Repeat number 50 as many times as you can.

52. Draw on his face when he sleeps.

53. While he still sleeps, think hot-water, his fingers, and a bathroom trip.

54. Draw on his mask in permanent marker.

55. Bedazzle his mask.

56. Tell him you've recently converted to the faith, "Pyromaniacal Idiots". Think "falling" into one of the preoccupied candle pedestals. (make sure the flame is still going)

57. Tell him you've recently converted to the faith, "Kleptomaniacal Idiots".

58. Slowly begin to swipe his stuff until he realizes that it's missing.

59. When he asks where his stuff is, tell him, "Oh, sorry. Was that stuff valuable? I offered it to Zeus as a sacrifice in hopes that he'd guide the tornadoes away from our house.

60. When he kicks you out, begin to cry, incessantly, at the top of the stairs. The sounds should echo all the way to his domain. (Remember, you cannot cry too loudly)

61. "Move back in" with him. Tell him you'll be on your "best behavior!"

62. Next time he leaves, take a sledge-hammer to his organ. If he kicks you out, again, repeat number 60.

63. Draw on his walls.

64. Re-write your own version of the ugly duckling and make the ugly duckling die a very violent death.

65. Read him this story.

66. Tell him the moral of the story is, "That ugly people are horrible freaks that should be rid from this wor-"

67. Stop mid-sentence and "discover" his mask for the first time.

68. Say, "Oh, my... You poor creature."

69. Carry on with your sentence in number 66.

70. Steal his mask(s, if you haven't already destroyed the others with jewels, permanent marker, etc.), while he sleeps, and hide it in the ladies

dressing room. This could prove to be very dangerous to your life, so make sure he's dead asleep. If he's not, give him a whole bottle of Melatonin (i.e. Making him soup, mixing it into the soup, and giving it to him)

71. Before he wakes up, bribe as many of the women as you can into staying in the ladies' dressing room and repeatedly dressing and undressing themselves.

72. When he wakes up and demands that he get his mask back, tell him it's in the ladies' dressing room.

73. Before following through with these last couple of numbers, make sure you get Madame Giry as far from him as possible. Now, he can't use her to get it. ;)

74. Laugh as he attempts to get his mask back.

75. Talk in a very southern, hill-billy accent for as long as you can get away with.

76. Hide all of his Punjab Lassos. Look at number 1 to refresh your mind. (Haha! Now he can't Punjab you when he tells you, "THAT'S NOT MY NAME!")

77. Tell him you can't survive without rules and that he must make a list for you as soon as possible.

78. Find loop-holes through all of them.

79. Punch a hole into the ceiling (make sure it just creates spider-web cracking, not an actual hole) with a sledge-hammer, thus creating a leak and the incessant, obnoxious sound of dripping water. (Make sure the hole is over the lake)

80. Don't say anything for a long time. (allow him to listen to the dripping)

81. When he starts to yell, tell him, "OOO! I'll fix it!"

82. Use his violin as the wood to cover up the leak and his bow as the hammer.

83. Smash the violin into the wall (hoping to create a flat piece of wood to cover the hole with)

84. Ask him if he's ever been in a previous relationship.

85. Pretend your married to him.

86. Create a photo album of your "wedding".

87. Randomly (this works best during silence), exclaim, "I AM SICK OF THIS! I WANT A DIVORCE!"

88. Storm out of his house.

89. Come back within two minutes.

90. Apologize to him and tell him you were just having a "moment".

91. Kiss him.

92. "Accidentally" dye his white shirts pink.

93. Discover some scissors (they're in your pocket because EVERYBODY carries scissors around with them!) and cut his cape into tiny pieces.

94. If you don't have scissors in your pocket (SHAME ON YOU!) then use your hands.

95. Play rap music on a boom box (you should be carrying that around with you, too)

96. Crank it up as loud as you can.

97. Attempt to sing opera. Continuously. Throughout the day. (This works best during silent intervals of awkward-ness)

98. Tell him you can compose music.

99. When he asks that you show him, bang on the organ as loud as you can.

100. Ask him if he's ever had "the talk" before. (EMBARRASSMENT!)

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><p><em>Alright, well... Hope you enjoyed it! And I just <strong>might<strong> write some more, so stay tuned!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Guess who's writing mooooore? I thought I would. I mean, it's just WAY too fun to imagine these. :) I hope they're still as funny as the last ones. Oh, and since I'm writing this AN before the actual story, just in case I forget to delete this sentence and the next few words: There MAY not be as many numbers... I'll try to think of 100, but you know... Sometimes you have blanks. _

_I love you all and I hope you still like me, even though I haven't posted anything for our movie characters recently. Thank you for sticking with me!_

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><p>1. Post pictures of Christine all over his walls.<p>

2. Post pictures of Raoul all over his walls.

3. When he's somehow managed to ignore the pictures (if he takes them down, keep replacing them), tap him on the shoulder, ask, "Have you ever seen these people before?", and show him a picture of Raoul and Christine (kissing, preferably, but anything works).

4. Try to play any percussion/brass instruments he may or may not possess.

5. Constantly play percussion (with or without any instruments) on any surface that comes within contact with you.

6. Collect all of the Opera House's empty wine bottles (wait to see what for)

7. Trash his room with them (emptying any of the little bits of content/dregs all over his floor)

8. Get one of those pregnant bellies (the fake one, guys, come on; don't have sick minds)

9. Go up to Erik one day and tell him he's the dad, pointing at your "pregnant" body.

10. If he doesn't believe you, convince him he was incredibly drunk.

11. Tell him you had no say in the matter and that it was complete rape.

12. If he still doesn't believe you, show him his room (the one that you should have covered in empty wine bottles)

13. Try not to laugh as he freaks out and tries to apologize.

14. Maniacal laugh.

15. Stop, abruptly.

16. Leave for two weeks.

17. During your "vacation", post up fliers all over the Opera House and Paris that you would like to baby-sit (screw the fact they didn't really have baby-sitting for teens then; do it anyway)

18. Specify you will not baby-sit for more than one child at a time (meaning no siblings) and that the child cannot be over the age of 2 months.

19. Get said child.

20. Return to Erik (without pregnant belly and with child)

21. Put the child in his lap (preferably when he's sitting down at his organ/piano/cello/table/anything that requires one to sit down)

22. Name it (if the child is a boy, name it something girly; if the child is a girl, name it something manly)

23. Remind him again that you were "raped" and you don't want his dirty child.

24. Leave him with the child for 2 minutes.

25. Come back and laugh as the child is screaming at him and he looks like he's about to Punjab somebody.

26. Leave with the child and take it back to its parents.

27. Return with money (plain in sight)

28. When he looks confused, tell him you sold the child (for whatever amount you were paid)

29. Go on, let out all of the laughter (some insanity is okay from time to time)

30. Pretend to get letters in the mail from the person whom you "sent the child to".

31. Tell Erik the stories and about how the child is now living with some native, African tribe in Uganda.

32. Choose whether or not you want to tell him it was fake.

33. Come back to our time, grab one of those very obnoxious fax machines, a microphone, and some very large speakers, and take them back to his time.

34. When he's not home, leave the fax machine, hooked up to the microphone system, in his bedroom (hidden)

35. Next time he happens to go in there (or to sleep for the very limited time he does), press the start button and try not to laugh as he almost pees his pants trying to figure out where it's coming from.

36. Tell him it was Zeus; tell him Zeus is angry because he hasn't received the amount of stuff he wanted from Erik (remember Kleptomaniacal idiots and the "offerings" to Zeus?)

37. Tell him Zeus won't make the sound go away until he's promptly burnt every instrument he has (oh, torturing Erik is so fun to do!)

38. If Erik doesn't agree and says he'll just have to live with the noise, tell him you're afraid of the noise and start shrieking.

39. If he still doesn't agree to burn the instruments, start doing it for him.

40. Once the instruments are all gone, sneak over to the fax machine and turn it, and the microphones, off.

41. Come back to our time, grab as many cell phones as you can (i.e. brother's, sister's, parents', friends') and return to Erik's time.

42. Make sure this is a few weeks after the fax episode (fill your time with some of the other stuff posted above)

43. Hide the cell phones all over his house (make sure you have their numbers)

44. At different intervals of different lengths of time, call each cell phone (i.e. whichever one he's standing closest to)

45. Hide **your **cell phone behind your back and come running, screaming to Erik.

46. Jump into his arms and scream directly in his face.

47. Scream something about ninjas and your dark past.

48. When he drops you onto the ground, cling to his legs and beg him to make **them **go away.

49. When he asks who, pause for a very long time and get a sort of eerie look about your face.

50. Then say, "Darth Vader and his cronies..."

51. When he asks who Darth Vader is, tell him he's a robot from space that has a scary light-sword that kills people. Oh, and that he has a son named Luke.

52. Then, start ranting on about how you're best friends with Luke (maybe even dating Luke (don't worry, Erik has no idea about Star Wars seeing as how Star Wars hadn't been invented during the late 19th century; Erik does not know you are "dating" a "geeky" subject))

53. When he starts to ask questions again, jump up and scream, "JUST GET THEM AWAY!" and run off while screaming, "THEY'RE DEADLY, THEY'RE DEADLY!"

54. After watching him (hidden) look around his lair confusedly, find as many bananas as you can.

55. Run up to him and say, "Here! These will fend him off! If you point this end at them," (point to one of the ends) "then it will fire and kill them! Hurry! I think they're spreading!"

56. If he isn't spurred on, tell him Christine might be in danger.

57. If he still isn't spurred on, tell him they suck the blood of 16 year-old, waiting-to-be-married-to-a-Vicomte, brown-curly-headed prima donnas.

58. He should be spurred on by now, freaking out and quite possibly hyperventilating.

59. When he asks who he should be "shooting" at, tell him they like to wear late Victorian era clothing (the Victorian era (Erik's era) was not named that until after Queen Victoria; he has no idea what "Victorian style clothing" looks like; well, he doesn't know it consciously)

60. Tell them they speak French and that they like to disguise themselves as stage-hands in Opera Houses.

61. Follow him quietly as he runs all the way to the upper-world and begins pointing at people with his banana, yelling at them to seek his mercy.

62. If you have to laugh, do it outside where he can't hear you.

63. After an hour or so of him yelling and pointing bananas at people, tell him you were wrong and that he was threatening the wrong people.

64. Tell them that they (Darth Vader and his cronies) really disguise themselves as the police.

65. Watch as he threatens the police and is dubbed, "public menace" before being arrested.

66. Bail him out (with his own money; you're smart enough to have already figured out his bank information)

67. Watch him do it again, but tell him this time the bananas don't work.

68. Tell him that they've grown immune to bananas.

69. Tell him that a real gun just might work.

70. Hand him a gun (one you've already emptied of all ammunition) and tell him he needs to return to the "police" and free Christine of these possible menaces.

71. Watch as he is arrested again.

72. Pay his bail again (with his money, of course), but allow him to stay in jail a full week before you do.

73. Take him home and when he insists that he must go back home to hunt more of "Darth Vader and his cronies", tell him that they disappeared during the very short length in which he was in jail.

74. You can always repeat the "accidentally-pour-tea-into-his-lap" episode ;)

75. Try to diagnose him.

76. Tell him he's schizophrenic, paranoid, OCD, might have syphilis (not really, but hey; he doesn't know what it is sooo... the more the thinks he's diseased the better), suffers from hemophilia (again, not really), gonorrhea (another STD but he doesn't have to know that), psoriasis (caused by too little sunlight, so hey; he might have it (I wonder of Dracula has it...)), Angelman syndrome, tay-sachs, depression, psychopathy, Alzheimers, amnesia (yeah, he can have two memory diseases!),

77. Pretty much just list off as many diseases as you can, whether or not he actually has them.

78. Do make sure, though, that they are more recent diseases; more recent being after the 19th century. If they are not, he'll know what it is and will call you out on it.

79. After he thinks he's a diseased freak, (not saying he didn't already think that), take him to a therapist, doctor, psychiatrist, etc.

80. When the therapist/doctor/whoever-happens-to-have-a-degree-in-diseases starts asking him questions, answer them all for him.

81. When Erik starts to look confused when you answer with, "Yeah, he spends a lot of his time talking to a toaster." (utter confusion from therapist and Erik) and, "Do normal people taunt couches?", remind him he has amnesia (he should know what amnesia is)

82. Abruptly cancel all therapist/doctor/WHATEVER! appointments; never return.

83. Draw faces (in sharpie) all over his desks, chairs, walls, and other items in his house.

84. Convince him you're a wizard and made them all come to life.

85. After he tells you that, no, you did not make them come to life; that it's just sharpie, do your worst ventriloquist attempt and try to make the item speak. Speaking obviously out of the corner of your mouth works best.

86. After he rolls his eyes and walks away, follow him and tell him that he's an automaton.

87. Suddenly say, "Oh, now I see why you don't understand..."

88. Move and talk as a robot for the rest of the day

89. Follow him everywhere.

90. Write a terrible play about his life, making it end in an over-dramatic, simply grotesque, and bloody death scene.

91. Make sock-puppets.

92. Tie him to a chair.

93. Present to him your play.

94. Tell him you're a trained magician and contortionist.

95. Next time he falls asleep, tie him to a table.

96. Wake him up with an air-horn.

97. Once he's awake, announce to your imaginary crowd, "I will now cut this man in half and then put him back together!"

98. Get as close to cutting him in half as you can.

99. Don't stop until you make him cry.

100. Take pictures of him crying.

101. Untie him, then wait a few weeks.

102. Post the pictures of him crying EVERYWHERE inside the Opera House.

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><p><em>Alright, well... I hope those are still good. I personally don't think they're my best, but I hope you enjoyed! And yeah, disregard everything stated in the above AN. I'm too lazy to go re-word that and change it all. I guess you actually got the opposite of what I thought. You really got more than I was intending. <em>

_I'll try to write another chapter but... I don't really know. I'm starting to run out of funny ideas... Now all of my thoughts are turning to, "actually cut him in half", "cut all of his fingers off with a letter-opener", and other quite disgusting, inhumane ways to kill people... I really hope I don't come off as a murderer. I already have some Authors on here thinking I am one. *rolls eyes*_

_If you have any ideas, I am so open to suggestions._


	3. Chapter 3

_AHA! I HAVE MORE! Just for you guys. Because I'm so happy that you think I'm a comedic genius! I was re-reading your reviews, and it really spurred me on. Thank you so much for the time you devote to read and review my stuff!_

_Hope you enjoy! And I'm still open to suggestions..._

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><p>1. Demand to know where babies come from.<p>

2. Repeatedly ask him until he tells you.

3. Pretend not to understand and ask for a visual.

4. For the sake of Erik's virginity (and your own), let's pretend he refuses, but does explain it again.

5. Demand to know when (or if) Erik was ever given "the Talk".

6. Leave banana peels and traps all over his lair.

7. Constantly get stuck in his (traps, I mean)

8. Tell him Christine's pregnant with his baby.

9. Give him the "you were drunk" excuse, again.

10. Laugh hysterically, then tell him you were kidding.

11. Tell him she's really pregnant with Firmin's.

12. Again, tell him you're kidding (after he's sworn, passed out, vomited, whatever). Then say she's really actually legitimately pregnant with Raoul's baby.

13. Take singing lessons from Carlotta.

14. Use your new talent wherever Erik goes.

15. Try to flirt with him, but only use science and math lingo.

16. When he looks at you confusedly and asks you to repeat yourself, throw your hands in the air, say, "You're useless." then kiss him.

17. Then leave.

18. Don't tell him where you're going, how long you'll be gone, or if you'll ever return.

19. He should be as paranoid as heck.

20. Oh, before you leave, turn on the fax machine and sound equipment.

21. Don't turn it off.

22. Then leave.

23. Come back after your desired length of time (the longer the better) to find him in fetal position on the ground, moaning for "the sound to go away..."

24. Turn off fax machine, then leave, exclaiming, "I can't live in a mad-house any longer!"

25. Find the therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist/all three if you had all three before

26. Take him/her/them to Erik's lair (he should still be whining and in fetal position).

27. Demand that he/she/they treat him properly this time.

28. After they diagnose him with some bizarre diagnosis, receive pills from them that, "should help him and yourself."

29. Give him more than the prescribed amount (but not enough to kill him, unless your absolutely ruthless)

30. Laugh yourself until you throw-up as you watch him while he's high.

31. Make sure he trashes the place.

32. After the medicine runs out, get rid of all evidence (evidence being pills, pill bottle, documents, etc) (Oh, and I suppose I should mention that these doctors are modern day; then they can prescribe him medicine (ha, sorry for not clarifying) Leave the place trashed.

33. When he wakes back up as his normal self (most-likely with a head-ache) use your Carlotta trained voice to "soothe" the pain.

34. Perform a performance solely with percussion equipment (preferably metal trash cans, wooden/rubber mallets, cymbals, timpani, etc)

35. Perform a performance solely with band instruments (if you know how to actually play, don't play well; try to screech as much as you can)

36. Perform, on your electric guitar, Thunderhorse by Dethklok

37. Allow him to rest (it's no fun to annoy a dead body)

38. When he demands to know what happened to his lair, tell him Zeus still isn't happy; he demands more sacrifices.

39. Leave dead rats, mice, and birds all over his lair (in good hidden places where he won't find them 'till a month later)

40. When he finds them and demands to know "What (this) is all about?" tell him they are offerings to Zeus.

41. While he tries to sleep, use a bulldozer to "remodel" his lair.

42. Paint his walls pink.

43. Somehow get a huge dump-truck down there.

44. Repeatedly back up (causing the obnoxious, loud "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" sounds)

45. Create a doll of Christine.

46. Create a doll of Erik.

47. Write a play about Christine and Erik and how they fall deeply in love... Then Erik turns savage and rips Christine apart (literally), then eats her heart, then puts her severed head on the mantel, then uses her limbs for different parts of furniture.

48. Present to him your devoted piece of art.

49. He should vomit and he should not be able to sleep for a good week; maybe even a month, if you make it really horrific.

50. Take him to the roof.

51. Point out "Christine" as often as you can.

52. Wait until he looks around frantically and gets excited before saying, "Wait, no..."

53. Carry on with 51 and 52 for as long as you can.

54. Try and be Erik, black-mailing the managers with ridiculous things such as "It is National Wear-only-your-underwear-day" and make sure they enforce it.

55. Disgrace Erik's name all over the Opera House.

56. Somehow get Carlotta to believe she slept with Erik (the "you were drunk/stoned" thing really works, sometimes)

57. Spread rumors about how Erik slept with Carlotta.

58. Make sure said rumors get back to Erik.

59. Make him believe it.

60. Tell him you planned a whole week where you were going to trade places with Carlotta, his new "lover"

61. Make this actually happen.

62. Implant microphones and video-cameras all over Erik's lair so you can watch how Carlotta annoyed the crap out of him later.

63. Obtain a Russian/Italian/Spanish accent (perhaps a combination of the three?)

64. Become like Carlotta.

65. Claim the Angel of Music taught you everything you know.

66. While in your new character, "find" the way to his lair.

67. Act all aghast and surprised when you find him with Carlotta.

68. Yell, "I KNEW THE RUMORS WERE TRUE!" in your accent.

69. Pretend to leave.

70. Come back.

71. Tell him you want to stay with your "sister" Carlotta (make sure Carlotta is not in the room when you tell him this; it will make everything so much funnier)

72. When he asks your name, say it is, "Elizabeth Elspeth Olga Romania Sven Maren Sally Jacobson Juan de Carlo LV (fifty-fifth)"

73. Whenever he tries to shorten it to "Elizabeth", or whatever, get upset and demand he call you by your real name, exclaiming it is a disgrace to your family if he does not.

74. After failed pronunciations, leave in a huff.

75. Take Carlotta with you

76. Have "Elizabeth Elspeth Olga Romania Sven Maren Sally Jacobson Juan de Carlo LV" suddenly disappear.

77. Return to him as yourself.

78. Tell him Carlotta's pregnant (hopefully, she isn't actually)

79. Then demand to know if the rumors are true.

80. Exclaim that you still do not know how babies are formed.

81. Secretly laugh as he slowly explains it to you again.

82. Pee all over his stuff, telling him that it is now yours and that you "marked your territory".

83. If he tries to argue, begin to growl/bark/hiss/etc

84. Pounce on him and claw his shirt to pieces (and his chest)

85. Get back off of him and look "phased" and "confused"

86. When he demands to know what all of that was about, ask him if he's ever seen Lon Chaney Jr.'s "The Wolfman".

87. When he responds with an obvious "no", turn back into an "animal".

88. Try to fight yourself, yelling, whining, and growling.

89. Fall into the lake and tell him that you'll demolish the beast within yourself by self-destruction (suicide).

90. Find the hidden oxygen tank and fins (etc) you hid there in preparation for these past few pranks.

91. Don't come up for hours.

92. Finally come back up, exclaiming, "I FOUND A NEW SPECIES OF FISH DOWN HERE!" scaring the living heck out of him, as he thought you were dead.

93. Pull him in and try to show him where you saw it.

94. Pull him back up and describe the fish as "big, green, and originally derives from Scotland"

95. When he rolls his eyes and tells you it's impossible for a fish from Scotland to have come all the way from there to his lake, suddenly "get pulled down into the water"

96. Break the surface of the water, again, gasping for breath.

97. After you successfully battle the "monster fish" away, slam him into the wall and tell him just because he's from Scotland doesn't mean he has to take his pets from there with him.

98. When he's confused, exclaim, "I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID LOCH NESS MONSTER GRABBING ME AGAIN!"

99. Demand he kill it.

100. Threaten him that if he doesn't, you will not leave your "sacrifices" for Zeus any longer and that Zeus will be angry and will destroy Erik's entire home.

101. Laugh as he tries to find the "loch ness monster" in his lake.

102. Don't let him escape from the frigid waters until he captures pneumonia.

* * *

><p><em>Well, there you go! I hope these ones are good. I feel like they're getting worse and worse... Oh, well. I still think I had a few funny ones in there. <em>

_Please leave a review! And I would love suggestions!_


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